Time---ing is Every Thing
As we pass into the routine daylight savings mode, the American world (and soon, the rest of the world) not only goes into a mass jetlag, but it also agrees that time changes-just like that.

If they can agree to move the hour one forward, why can't they open their minds to know that there is no such thing as an hour?

Okay, so maybe there is, but only because we make it so by saying, this blob of experience from when the big "ball" on which we live rotates once on it's axis (or doesn't it?) consists of exactly 24 hours and those hours consist of sixty minutes each, and so on.

This is an oh-so accrurate measurement-not. If it were, why would we have to cut the world a whole day (leap year day) every century? Correct me if I'm wrong here.

So this raises the question which countless mystics and scientists who had any sense (or maybe went beyond the senses?) asked. Does time exist?

Only according to the value we assign to it. This also applies to everything in your life.

To change your life, change your idea of it-believe in your core that miracles can happen-and if you can't muster that, believe that at least the envelope can be pushed. You've seen it demonstrated physically in ever increasing Olympic world records, people with memories like encyclopedias (like the real "rainman" and the newly known, functional Daniel T. of England) and mathmeticians who can mentally calculate to more decimal places than a calculator (again, Daniel T., plus a twelve-year-old Japanese abacus student in Tokyo)

It works for the unwavering of faith, the so-called saints and the visionaries, prophets, (unfortunately) the tyrants, and the other most amazing acheivers in the world. We are all so (also). We just don't stand out until we know it and show it.

You say, that can't be me, right? And in doing so, others agree because they see your display giving away belief in your own mediocracy. They see mine too. It is the worst crime against humanity to not follow your best way--but don't sweat it. You're going there whether you like it or not. You can take the long way or the curved course, or the shortcut. The shortcut is not really one because it ends up taking longer.

This post really was written for myself.

Climbing
Today is very much a Sunday. It is very overcast here in the NYC area, and filled with time in which I want to get a lot done. I will be working a lot more here today than I will if I am at work! LOL I wish to cook, study, clean my room,do filing, do laundry, prepare a bag of clothes for charity, and clean that disaster of a bathroom. My knight went with me on a quest to find furniture covers to hide the hideous beige with pink flowers!! At least our living room is showing some excitement after a few years.

On another positive note, my guy and I watched a DVD titled, What the Bleep Do We know? It was thought provoking and it reminded me of a BBC presentation on parallel universes. The story was almost plotless, but it was still worth watching for the ideas that blow our minds--it was like science where it gets to the point that it no longer follows what we consider logical. Watch out, Newton! Your laws are about to be built into the base of the skyscaper!

The Greatest American Time Waster
Mood:  down
Now Playing: nothing
I am disgusted right now by my cluttered life. This is reflected where I live. While unwanted clothes and papers make my room a big waste dump, a longing for soft, yet firm movement and words unknown to the general public swim through my head. Through, not in. My knight rides up and talks to me, taking me away from this rainy day in my mind, The weather is even agreeing with my angst today. I love my knight more than I can describe. I also hate him and envy his sense of purpose. Later--his fear reaches up and turns on my sensitive soul. Funny enough, I will find what it is that my path dictates. I just wish it weren't so late.

A Wish Come True
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: "Jonny and the American Hatred" by Chinese Happy
The song named above is one of the reminders of my reasons for living. Yesterday in the work bathroom, out of nowhere, I had a wish that the creations that I once had a hand in with a former band would somehow inspire a future evolution of sound, especially for my beloved, musical cousin.

Today, he sent me a song that his current bandmate has alluded to as having been created with our old band in mind. This later bandmate of his is another cut from the same cloth as us, the former Pan Pizzabots. (Yes, I had to get the plug in as usual lol, and no, of course the wish couldn't have happened outside while looking up at the stars--but at work, in a windowless room while looking down into the toilet!!!LOL)

This is Dedicated to the Late Aunt Nora and my Knight, When He Passes On One Day

"Love Comes in Colors I Can't Deny"
Mood:  surprised
This quiz found on the website at the bottom of the box is simple to do and funny enough I've found it to be pretty true in my case! LOL.

you are lavender #E6E6FA

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I found it on Miaka's blog who in turn got it off a blog by a guy named MaX. There are over 150 possible outcomes for the quiz, at least color-wise.

And now--the episode of the so-called work baby shower.
Tonight I went out with eighteen other people from work to a restaurant called Tutta Pasta (a pretty swanky joint). It was okay and the food was excellent, but it felt weird being out with people that you see every day in a different context. The purpose of the function was to mark one of the bosses' maternity leave. In addition, a young woman ("Eesh") is leaving after two years of service. She was a bit brushed over in the dinner (the business office boss did not even include Eesh in her toast), and I feel bad for Eesh, but in a way the intent was a quasi baby shower for the Program Activities boss.
To make matters even more funny, there were people there that never would have been together in a setting such as that if we had not worked together. For instance, Mrs. blondie eight-months was sitting, friendly enough, and well subdued at one end of the long table with her multitude of gifts behind her, surrounded by the other, very pasty bosses of various departments (including the director of the program) while at the other end near where I was sitting, the wild bunch from the projects was laughing and joking about the soft drinks that may soon be "changing color". I was technically sitting in the middle with the other Hispanic woman, who, like me, at work is quiet and unobtrusive. I was like a wallflower this time, too, just taking in the entertainment. Meanwhile, Eesh is running back and forth to the bar with an ex-employee, Chris, while my only real buddy from work (since Manny left) is pouting and depressed accross from me(Eesh and she were and are inseparable)and she won't eat. Jersey Girl Extraordinaire is on her cell phone at the table (and so is nearly everyone at one time or another). The beautiful Ms. C. is declaring interdepartmental injustices about the bill, PLUS another woman at the far end (sitting accross from me as I was hiding my face) was nearly cursing out the Italian waiter about her flimsy cucumbers and one piece of dark lettuce(I couldn't resist but to pipe in and say that the veggies needed Viagra). She even followed the embarrassed looking waiter down to the stairway to give him back her grilled chicken salad(she refused the second fresh one he brought out because he scooped the same chicken on it in front of her at the table). To top off the night, at the louder end of the table, one of the ex-convict/now supervisors ordered mussels and the other, usually sophisticated acting shift supervisor sitting next to him announced,"Woo-EE! That smells like a bad Saturday night!"

31 efforts for none
Mood:  rushed
I went to work on Monday to find out that my one student who did pass to the GED got sent back to prison. He was a young man, maybe twenty-one, who once in a while liked to, as many would say in Detroit, "Talk out of the side of his face". He had tried this in my class once the week before and I told him that his disguised aggression would get him nowhere, and that one day he'd see (he would not even look at me when I attempted to give him the tip). Turns out he ripped up a demerit that an operations staff member gave him for talking in an AA meeting and he got sent right back to the slammer. In some ways, I am sad that in March he will not be able to take his GED for which he worked with me for the past year. In most ways, though, I am happy he learned his lesson in a way that did not get him killed on the streets.

Hardship Comes in Colors
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: "Crush" By Smashing Pumpkins
The Great Barrier Reef has water so clear because it is devoid of nearly all nutrients. People from all over the world pay big to see the waters and extraordinary life forms that are among them.

People spend their lives in search of flashy things or creature comforts. What they do not realize is that such overindulgences are what kills them in the end. Being comfortable never helped one grow. It is when we are devoid of our life's nutrients that we become colorful, innovative, creative-and strong...or maybe, if turned negatively, criminal. If we tell ourselves lack is an opportunity to earn another color of make up on our faces, or muscle in our arms, maybe we will embrace challenges and become a starfish or a plant of magenta hue.

31 efforts for one
Mood:  irritated
Yesterday, five of my students took the Pre-GED. I have about 30 students over the whole day, but it fluxuates. Out of the five, one passed. Two others could've taken it, but they decided outside work was more important! (a little $25 for one day [after fines] versus the chance to go for your high school diploma eqivalent?) BAH!!!!

Sometimes I ask myself, why make the effort? I used to bust my behind to get 4 years worth of high school math out to these guys, and for one or two to pass every time? It seems that no matter what I do or don't do, it is always the same low numbers for success. I'm not blaming myself-their passing really seems to depend on their past efforts (what grade level they dropped out in, and how much they listened in high school)and for the few that come in already high level, I can usually take them to the finish line. Today I am really tired and don't feel like going to do it all again.

Luckily,1) my job evaluations have little to do with how many students I cause to pass the exam (thank goodness-it just wouldn't be fair!) and 2) I find refuge in playing Scrabble with certain students who are formidable opponents. It keeps me sane in the downtime--and it's fun.

Was this a justification of my game playing at my job? Of course--but, as I said to my Aunt "Terri" when I was real young, if you can't have fun in life, why live it? (I hope she didn't take too much heed.

Bye for now *as I drag my tired heels to work*, and I'll see you on a more energetic day.

Words And Movies Are My Passion
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: "Accidentally In Love"
Hi all! This morning I want to give my predictions for tonight's Oscars! Watching the Oscars is a family tradition on Mama's side, and the fervor will probably die with me. As silly as the academy can be in it's choices, I do hope the ever increasingly popular Golden Globes don't take over the highest honors in the future!

Best supporting actor (male):Alan Alda ("The Aviator)-the old folks always win due to nostalgia!
Best supporting actor (female): Virginia Madsen ("Sideways")
Best actor(male):Jamie Foxx("Ray")
Best actor (female):Annette Benning ("Being Julia")
Best Director: Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby")
Best Song: "Learn to be Lonely" ("Phantom of the Opera")
Best foreign language film :"Yesterday" (South Africa)
Best Documentary: "The Story of the Weeping Camel"
Best Picture: "The Aviator"

Of course that's who I think will win. I have to admit that I haven't seen most of the films up this year, but I'll give my personal picks anyway.

Best supporting actor (male):Morgan Freeman ("Million Dollar Baby")
Best supporting actor (female):I really think Natalie Portman is really cool, but something about her sweetness did not convince me totally of her stripper role in "Closer", so I'm going to choose Kate Blanchett in "The Aviator" this year
Best actor(male):Jamie Foxx("Ray")
Best actor (female):Catalina Soreno ("Maria Full of Grace") It took guts to play that part-plus I have to give props to my people, as they still haven't won an Oscar that I can recall
Best Director: Martin Scorsese ("The Aviator")Just because, even though Eastwood is probably an excellent director, he for some reason gets on my nerves.
Best song: "Accidentally in Love" (Shrek)-this is catchy and so pop, but I can't help but sway to the beat and enjoy its lightheartedness
Best foreign language film :"As It is in Heaven" (Sweden)
Best Documentary: "Super Size Me"-this exposed some truths that everyone has a right to know-even if not everyone's body responds the same way. I hope more truths come out about our self-indulgent, self-serving, and self-destructive American ways
Best Picture: "Finding Neverland" --Duh! (and that one's for you, too, Michael!*insert high pitched "OOOOw!"*

Take care,
The Pan

A Way With Words
Words are cool. Here's a brainteaser. I haven't tried it yet! I will take it to work and put it up for the residents. They like those sorts of things.

I'm Bursting Through My Jeans
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: "Do I Do"
Okay-I was good for like eight months. Then late November came, and I ate anything and everything, at anytime--especially at night! My exercise routines, which I held up from Jan. 2004 to Jan. 2005, went to pot and now I have a pot belly! I'm sitting here with not only my jeans unbuttoned but also my zip down! I am no longer just blogging-I'm blobbing! How am I ever going to show myself at Sisa's wedding next October? Guess I'll decide over some sour gummy worms and Valentine's Dairy Box of chocolates from my sweet and with my sweet.

Hi! I'm dropping a quick one before work. Work report: The pre-GED is late this month. My thugs are doing okay-but a few are ducking class, and I am not energetic enough to chase them. In fact, I'm having a good ol' time focusing on the ones who really want the material and they are sure to take the test. It's all good. If certain ones don't want to make the effort, why push it? A teacher's dilemma always lies in, how much should I motivate my students? When must I give them the nudge, and when must I back off? Any thoughts? Please comment below.

Love from,

"Ms. P."

To All the Guys I've loved Before
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: "As" By Stevie Wonder
*In my best Willie Nelson voice* To all the guy's I've loved before It's Valentine's and you're no more But wait now- I have more in store For all the guys I've loved before. To Brian-you were fresh as gold Too bad that we were five years old You moved and didn't tell me where Looked for ya for the next five years

To Daddy-you were a charmer and fun Best handlebar cabby under the sun A playmate and loved one 'til the tragic end Man-I despise that liquid friend!

To Greg-- you got the brunt of my fears My high school boyfriend of two years So gentle-In the end the fear was yours-'cause I took off for college, and unending world tours

To Eric--who enjoyed worlds all his own long ago a handsome grail searcher, but unfaithful--from a shed he was thrown This life his legs are crooked, but his morals aren't shot--still--What I really wanted, he gave not

Then there's you, Eric "Sunshine", For whom the sun would rarely shine You've conquered poverty and gay pioneering times Cynical and full of logic, you and I never agreed but in the nightmare of my life, you were right there beside me And when the time came to leave univerisity-you snuck a note on the fridge that proclaimed (platonically) "E loves D"

To Michael-who may never know his own worth a being from a technological planet who was classified as "special" since birth We met on a computer he built-but when it comes to our harsh world he can't stand it He was sweeter than the Pepsi he guzzled When it comes to his heart-I hope I didn't slam it

To Mike- wish I could forget your sorry "mass" Two years! Why'd I have to end up in that Clawson class? Entertained my affections for a measly few days then watched me suffer for eight hundred thirty-eight. You were lost, right? That's what the universe tells me-Hope I can let go-or I'll never feel free

To Papa P.-Please may you rest in peace quiet, fun-loving and proud-your guilt refused to release I speak for every daughter and your every grandson Our lease on love for you will never be done

And Papa-your love kept you here twenty years past a heart "attacked" The love you didn't grow up with-you still managed to give back- Faithful to Grandma Marge and all thirty-three of us Quizzical as a wise professor, yet practical and generous and To Tuck-a robber of the shrewdest kind Is there one ounce of heart in that extraordinary mind? All different flavors of women in your sex memory collection But the one law you respected was my willful rejection And in my heart, mind and soul seven men have come and stayed- For certain I know they'll be with me 'til the end of days. First my beloved cousin and in front of all my English cake-plus I'll acknowledge Daddy's spirit 'cause love never betrays. Then came my Sifu, Dan and Dad-By circumstance?-Of course! But now they've made their mark as elders - Couldn't let them go without remorse. The guy most new is my step-nephew- I know that leaves yet one more... In all the guys I've loved before When it comes to Earthly love there's more So just know- you're all good in my eternal book But the ones who've endured are the guys at whom I now continually look. So let's play again in lives galore To all the guys I've loved before

OOPS!
I thought I erased all my entires! Luckily they came back! I messed up the hangman codes below, so no word games for now! I'm just happy my other words didn't disappear! Phew!

If you want to play hangman, click on "her blog" below. Thanks for stopping by.

I love Games!
Mood:  bright
Here's a bit of word fun.