Just Checking In
Mood:  not sure
It's September and autumn weather has not kicked in. Fine with me! It'll come soon enough. I am deeply happy that I discovered the website for Detroit Wu Style Tai Chi and Sifu is holding online classes! This motivates me to practice now for sure. When I started the classes, they said that Tai Chi can't be done alone. I didn't believe them until I came here and just couldn't get my butt off the couch.

Sifu has broken away from the international Wu style community, and although this probably takes away my chances to fulfill my childhood olympic dream, I would not give a second thought to leaving my teacher --and lately his split off has given me a sense of things being simpler and more comfortable(--or maybe less overwhelming?--) in the growing Metro Detroit throng of students--and in seeing an example for myself in Sifu, who, like any responsible person, has perhaps grown out of "living at home".

I am glad I have had the chance to travel to Asia and I wouldn't have changed the experience if I could. For a moment, on a cruise, I sat with the late Wu Tai Sin, whom (I had heard) in his later life, would only teach children. Although we could exchange no words, we shared a silent understanding. Rest in peace.

Still Here
Mood:  don't ask
Hiya. Yeah--I skipped the month of August--SO?!?

Just wanted to let you know I'm still here.

Hiya
I'm an inconsistent git when it comes to journaling. Since I was eight, when I received my first diary--I waited long periods before writing for a short, yet faithful time. Can this be cured or is it the way it's supposed to be? Regardless--It's the way that I am---even if I kid myself--or maybe because I do.

It's Been a Long Time Coming
Mood:  a-ok
Hi. I'm not sure what to write now, and since I don't want to be talking about mundane current events, I go with a quiz that Mama sent me today on e-mail. Although the questions are usually about superficial things, they can be revealing about a person's core and they can be semi-fun to read. I like reading Miaka's blog because she does these quizzes every so often too and it is a quick and sometimes warm get-to-know-you type thing.

1. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Still Word Freak (I halted recently out of necessity really) and Decorating With Color (just looking at the pictures in this one)'cause like Mama, I'm moving next month!! he hehe! I also got pulled into How to Take Good Travel Pictures. It has delightful portrait from all over the world, from a time when there were still a lot of variations in culture (the book was published in the seventies) Come to think of it, I would love to get the Time Life 100 years or 50 years photos. book. Thanks again, L, for giving me the B & N gift certificate!--and a shout out to God (or the Barnes and Noble/Starbucks CEO {sometimes it's hard to tell which one is in control out the two-LOL} for making this weekend Teacher's appreciation discount books week.

2. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
10:30pm EST



3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Whole 2005 calendar and a Song logo. (Song is a slightly more creative airline branch of Delta that I would recommend)



4. BOARD GAME?

(Why, Scrabble! always, and more than ever, now)

5. FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
Adbusters (and here I did an ad for Song in number 3!) "Colors" is also an intriguing mag.

6. BABIES?
maybes :) Not now, though!!!!

7. FAVOURITE SOUND?
An adult male speaking voice that is a tenor (the voice of Mickey Dolenz is one example)I also started liking corse male voices a couple of years ago.
My favorite sound might be tied with one I just heard for the first time tonight. It is a sound made when hitting a metal bowl with a wooden stick like object. This metal bowl was specially made to make this vibration and the most similar thing I can relate this experience to is hearing a tuning fork (sorry, I don't know which note it was) I not only heard the sound but also subtly felt it physically.


8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
helplessness (worst instance- seeing a dearest loved one suffer)



9. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
I want to sleep more (no matter how much I got!)



10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE
about 3

11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Brendon--and the girl? (if I have one)maybe Lea or Leah, but I haven't discussed the girl's name with the one who would be the father!

12. FAVOURITE COLOUR?
sea green (Crayola crayons does a nice version of it-and that's when I first saw it--as a toddler)

13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE?
growth--but I want to make the most important thing love, so I can work to change the priority

14. FAVOURITE FOOD?
either guacamole and chips or malted milkball ice cream--hard to choose


15. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
the pan flute



16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
only in rare bursting moments of getting this overwhelming free feeling on the highway (It has happened like twice or three times in my life) The other times it was driving fast out of purpose to get somewhere, but I've stopped doing that.



17. SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
no but Bozo, my clown, and Be-bo, his long lost and less travel-weary twin, is right on top of the bedroom TV.

18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
neither

--but cool at first if they are snowstorms, because 1) it's pretty and 2) it allows me to go home early from work (SNOOOOOW DAYYYY!)

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
A Saturn (Uncle D. leased it with me and the service/price was so great I subsequently got two more!)

20. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
I'd say Daddy but he came back to talk with me when I wanted, so I'll say Brian of Sterling Heights, my childhood companion who is probably still alive, but he moved away (he told me ahead of time but I didn't want to face it until I was older) and our friendship ceased because, being five, we didn't know how to long-distance network.

21. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
None. Don't even get me effin started!! I hate alcohol and all the other drugs with more passion than anything (unfortunately), not only because of it's bitter taste, but mostly because it is one of the most extreme examples of things on earth besides weapons that are tools for people to misspend their own lives, or little chunks of their lives at least, especially on the nights and weekends (the best, most sacred times).

At the same time, after writing even more violent rants about alcohol use (and to me, I call most alcohol use, ABUSE), I erased it because I can now write with most sincerity that in my anger and frustration on the subject a flood of clarity came to me as to why people do such things and how they did in a way not choose their faults, and how even the so-called worst really still mean to do their best. I guess you can call it a moment of compassion. I really want to understand addiction and probably by the grace of God I, in a split second, feel I have received some heart-felt reasons around it now. This is a bit of the movement toward the forgiveness I seek so that hating alcohol doesn't become MY drug!!

22. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
I don't even want to try to remember the long list of junk items in that trunk.LOL

23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
yes

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The one I am in (a teacher to convicts), plus a playwright (which I plan on realizing in the near future) I also would love to combine the two disciplines to become a type of director of recreational performance art therapy. In this way With this job I could cover the James Redfield thing of melding both of my parents' talents. My Mama is the best caretaker I've met, and my Dad was awesome at making people feel special, being cheerful and celebrating with them/having fun.

As a museful gesture--throw in the photojournalism or filmin job that moves people to see their souls-in case I come accross it

Or an acting job in a role that is diginfied, yet moving--or one that allows another character to demonstrate such (but it looks like I cut off the acting possibilities a few years ago)

Lastly, I wouldn't mind singing again--I love it--especially when working with quirky yet very self-aware musicians and all artists


26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
I may be for the first time in my current relationship, and wish to fall in love with him over and over and more deeply than before

27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
half full

28. FAVOURITE MOVIE?
"Red" AKA "Trois Couleurs Rouge" by the late Krzysztof Kieslowski

29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Yes, except the numbers and sometimes the period



30. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Some of my overflowing books may have slipped under there

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?

137

32. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Scrabble All Stars on ESPN

I know most will say it's not a sport, but I'm a pioneer! LOL Look at golf! LMAO (Sorry, Uncle Bob)

If you pin me down to a traditional sport, it's ice hockey--fast and furious

33. SAY AT LEAST ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?

Mama has great taste (especially in offspring! JK)


34. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
In some hot or warm springs nature site (probably impossible--they are all inside national parks, right?) where sulphur is not one of the elements. It would be a dome house running on solar energy and the running water would obviously be loooooovely and relaxing with all its minerals!!!.



35. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
my black disco jumpsuit---- or what I jokingly call my Bruce lee shirt (It is black and fitting with a white stripe going down each arm) I also like my green/gold sheen stretchy t-shirt and the sparkly silver/green shirt L got me a few Christmases ago.



36. BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY?
All of them at different times--with equal pleasure if appropriate for the situation



37. TECHNOLOGY OR ART?
both, but if I had to choose, we would have to go back to "Flinstone" days in exchange for great art. (Whatever happened to the slogan "You gotta have art?" Worse, where has the concept gone in our society and schools/institutions?

38. COMEDY OR HORROR?
Comedy

39. FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

"thangs" (or at least that's one word for it)

(c'mon! Everything else (plus a couple of things more, MY gender has!--so how would anything else be both desireable and exclusive to the opposite sex?)


40. FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY?
Evening

41. Last cd you bought?
The Tipping Point by the Roots
I also look forward to buying the next Chinese Happy work

42. Favorite place to be massaged?
my back



3. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
heart, then mind, then body--but ideally all in balance for a healthful spirit

44. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
as late as possible--that's usually 8:15-8:30 am on work days--yes, I'm getting later and later- YIKES!

45. Favorite kitchen item?
blender or juicer--but I rarely use them :(!


46. What makes you really angry?
First is feeling that I have to put up with someone "acting a fool" (usually out of their arrogance or lack of self-discipline/self-care)I know that I don't usually have to watch or participate in it, but I sometimes forget and get hooked into the moment--it is a "show" after all--like the flood of reality TV shows as a public example--but worst of all, my real life when I react, annoyed and brought to near tears by my closest loved ones.

Second is malicious or self-serving gossip/lies (you will find that gossip and lies are one in the same because they never honor another's or one's own true self).

47. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
something in the middle--sorry to be difficult-it's the rebel in me :) Also, public transportation is my first choice if convenient.

In my fantasy world, it would be public ( I could read...:) ) transportation that didn't harm the environment our planet's residents in any way--

48. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Yes

49. YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON?
early summer



50. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
to fly--I already believe this is possible, but I haven't gotten a hold of Brian (another Brian whom I lost touch with after univeristy) I'm pretty sure he knows, and he may be willing and able to explain. Chances are he won't reveal where he is living. I last heard (a couple of years ago) he may have been in Chicago. He disappeared from all lists and databases and even cut contact with his seemingly closest friend and college roommate. This genius with whom I went to high school but never met there, and later, college (where we became great buddies) would be the other person from my past I'd like to talk with and check on too.

51. DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
If I do you wouldn't see it by looking, so HA!

52. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
only tasks at this time :)


53. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE DAY?
Either my 18th or my 16th birthdays. Day of the week?--Saturday.


54. WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi, but I quit for fear of the evil and disgusting tapeworm. YUCK! Also--darn you to Gary Null for frightening me on his health radio show-if he's wrong I will have missed out big time!!!

56. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Mama

57. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CARTOON?
the Simpsons or King of the Hill, but I don't make it a point to watch them, so I've gone off cartoons I guess.

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL?

Mama's (and formerly Grandma's) Tacos--
they come from my dad's side of the family and are known for their unusual ingredient which gives them the best flavor!

59. IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE?

1)The Sequoyah trees in California

2)The Swiss Alps in winter
3)The Swiss Alps in summer--again:)

4)Also, I would take the one I'm doing in May. This is choice one really but since it is coming to fruition I don't have to list it as a wish!!!!!!--I'm looking forward to it a lot!!! Yippeeeeeeeee! :)Ok somebody stop me before I make you all sick.

60. DO YOU HAVE PETS?
No, but I love all living beings--even mean ones--but I love those from afar--That reminds me--I have to find a way to love Jose...


Well, if I can't, at least it rhymes

Nothing Much Today
Went to work today to find that Internal Affairs did their routine, yearly surprise drop in to have their dogs search for illegal substances in the building. They also used their sophisticated, finger shaped vacuum cleaner that is hooked into a computer to test the guys' hands for traces of drugs.

For me, this meant an opportunity for no work. Following my boss's instructions to go to the front office with a bit too much glee, I made it a mission to see if I could go the entire day without working or doing one thing for the residents. This has not happened in my near three years on the job.

MISSION SUCCESSFUL!

I darn near had to abort mission, though, when Big Daddy, new to his job search, looked in my direction as I tried to dart out of the lecture hall into the corridor toward my classroom,

-----Ms. P. Do you have a newspaper?

------------------------ I wish I did.

I said that in truth, but didn't elaborate LOL. I really would have liked to have the New York Times so I could for the first time try the daily Scrabble puzzle.


In the first half of the day I pretended to pay minimal attention other staff in the Program Activities office, and, to my great delight, got to read the first few chapters of "Word Freak" by Stefan Fatsis. I just got the book last night while I was supposed to be studying-he he~!

Just before lunch, Ms. S. had an educational crisis when the oh-so-inoffensive and friendly Ms. A accidentally lost her college paper on the computer. Ms. A, P and I tried to recover it, but only got the first paragraph out of two. I reassured Ms. S. that she had just been initiated into the ranks of full fledged college students, none of whom have escaped the disappearing paper. After attempting everything I knew possible to retrieve it, I shared my inkling that maybe it was supposed to go this way because the second draft would be even better. Ms. S. was ready to have another go at it. She said my outline and questions to her were helpful. It felt good to do something for the staff for once. I hardly see them.

We had Chinese delivery for lunch, and P and I discussed the Praxis (NJ educators' exam)and her future as a teacher. Ms. S. ate the Chinese with us, and this time there were no food complaints.

Then I retreated to the blind spot corner of my little classroom, used the low lighting, and read chapter 21 in my boring textbook. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to read nine pages, but most of the review questions weren't too hard afterward. Thank goodness I can do any of the math that they will throw at me (at least my teaching of the GED stuff didn't go to total waste). That might offset my sucky law knowledge.

The residents had lecture, recreation, and a house meeting, so this allowed for some precious quiet time in my little dark corner, but I still put in some earplugs I found in my bag. Although my room is closed off, I can always hear several of the residents singing loudly (and it's too bad most of them don't have day jobs) or blabbering to each other.

As a personal reward, during the last 15 minutes of work I read another chapter of "Word Freak", which, funny enough, includes a real life character who is a person that lately I've been thinking of and admiring (in an intellectual kind-a way) ever since I saw the documentary, "Word Wars" on the Discovery Times channel. He is Joel Sherman (AKA GI Joel), the winner of the Scrabble tournament in the documentary, and in the film he said that he heads an NYC chapter of the National Scrabble Association.. The guy, who is a self-proclaimed wimp, really does seem frail and unassuming. I could never hold a candle to his skill, even if I studied words and played my best strategy for the rest of my life. I'm not sure if I'll go meet him, but if I do I would feel honored. I am intrigued by the way his life has arranged itself like a decent set of tiles on the rack, placed in such a way that his best play is possible. He lost his mom at a young age, and she had gotten him into Scrabble. Later, he had a series of minor ailments that he used as reasons to play more and get good at the game. He found something to excel in, even if, to most Americans it is just a board game. Not caring what people thought about his use of time or lack of material riches, he did what he wanted and probably to this day has not waivered. He disciplined himself to learn words like zabajone and veinulet(to name a couple out of a hundred thousand!) The guy plays the game everyday, not just because he can, but it appears, because he can't not.

Although what he has chosen has not directly helped others, I admire that kind of dedication, and still wonder if my life is also formulated to lead me to my passion.

I am not proud of my "work" mission today. I just found it slightly amusing.

Time---ing is Every Thing
As we pass into the routine daylight savings mode, the American world (and soon, the rest of the world) not only goes into a mass jetlag, but it also agrees that time changes-just like that.

If they can agree to move the hour one forward, why can't they open their minds to know that there is no such thing as an hour?

Okay, so maybe there is, but only because we make it so by saying, this blob of experience from when the big "ball" on which we live rotates once on it's axis (or doesn't it?) consists of exactly 24 hours and those hours consist of sixty minutes each, and so on.

This is an oh-so accrurate measurement-not. If it were, why would we have to cut the world a whole day (leap year day) every century? Correct me if I'm wrong here.

So this raises the question which countless mystics and scientists who had any sense (or maybe went beyond the senses?) asked. Does time exist?

Only according to the value we assign to it. This also applies to everything in your life.

To change your life, change your idea of it-believe in your core that miracles can happen-and if you can't muster that, believe that at least the envelope can be pushed. You've seen it demonstrated physically in ever increasing Olympic world records, people with memories like encyclopedias (like the real "rainman" and the newly known, functional Daniel T. of England) and mathmeticians who can mentally calculate to more decimal places than a calculator (again, Daniel T., plus a twelve-year-old Japanese abacus student in Tokyo)

It works for the unwavering of faith, the so-called saints and the visionaries, prophets, (unfortunately) the tyrants, and the other most amazing acheivers in the world. We are all so (also). We just don't stand out until we know it and show it.

You say, that can't be me, right? And in doing so, others agree because they see your display giving away belief in your own mediocracy. They see mine too. It is the worst crime against humanity to not follow your best way--but don't sweat it. You're going there whether you like it or not. You can take the long way or the curved course, or the shortcut. The shortcut is not really one because it ends up taking longer.

This post really was written for myself.

Climbing
Today is very much a Sunday. It is very overcast here in the NYC area, and filled with time in which I want to get a lot done. I will be working a lot more here today than I will if I am at work! LOL I wish to cook, study, clean my room,do filing, do laundry, prepare a bag of clothes for charity, and clean that disaster of a bathroom. My knight went with me on a quest to find furniture covers to hide the hideous beige with pink flowers!! At least our living room is showing some excitement after a few years.

On another positive note, my guy and I watched a DVD titled, What the Bleep Do We know? It was thought provoking and it reminded me of a BBC presentation on parallel universes. The story was almost plotless, but it was still worth watching for the ideas that blow our minds--it was like science where it gets to the point that it no longer follows what we consider logical. Watch out, Newton! Your laws are about to be built into the base of the skyscaper!

The Greatest American Time Waster
Mood:  down
Now Playing: nothing
I am disgusted right now by my cluttered life. This is reflected where I live. While unwanted clothes and papers make my room a big waste dump, a longing for soft, yet firm movement and words unknown to the general public swim through my head. Through, not in. My knight rides up and talks to me, taking me away from this rainy day in my mind, The weather is even agreeing with my angst today. I love my knight more than I can describe. I also hate him and envy his sense of purpose. Later--his fear reaches up and turns on my sensitive soul. Funny enough, I will find what it is that my path dictates. I just wish it weren't so late.

A Wish Come True
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: "Jonny and the American Hatred" by Chinese Happy
The song named above is one of the reminders of my reasons for living. Yesterday in the work bathroom, out of nowhere, I had a wish that the creations that I once had a hand in with a former band would somehow inspire a future evolution of sound, especially for my beloved, musical cousin.

Today, he sent me a song that his current bandmate has alluded to as having been created with our old band in mind. This later bandmate of his is another cut from the same cloth as us, the former Pan Pizzabots. (Yes, I had to get the plug in as usual lol, and no, of course the wish couldn't have happened outside while looking up at the stars--but at work, in a windowless room while looking down into the toilet!!!LOL)

This is Dedicated to the Late Aunt Nora and my Knight, When He Passes On One Day

"Love Comes in Colors I Can't Deny"
Mood:  surprised
This quiz found on the website at the bottom of the box is simple to do and funny enough I've found it to be pretty true in my case! LOL.

you are lavender #E6E6FA

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I found it on Miaka's blog who in turn got it off a blog by a guy named MaX. There are over 150 possible outcomes for the quiz, at least color-wise.

And now--the episode of the so-called work baby shower.
Tonight I went out with eighteen other people from work to a restaurant called Tutta Pasta (a pretty swanky joint). It was okay and the food was excellent, but it felt weird being out with people that you see every day in a different context. The purpose of the function was to mark one of the bosses' maternity leave. In addition, a young woman ("Eesh") is leaving after two years of service. She was a bit brushed over in the dinner (the business office boss did not even include Eesh in her toast), and I feel bad for Eesh, but in a way the intent was a quasi baby shower for the Program Activities boss.
To make matters even more funny, there were people there that never would have been together in a setting such as that if we had not worked together. For instance, Mrs. blondie eight-months was sitting, friendly enough, and well subdued at one end of the long table with her multitude of gifts behind her, surrounded by the other, very pasty bosses of various departments (including the director of the program) while at the other end near where I was sitting, the wild bunch from the projects was laughing and joking about the soft drinks that may soon be "changing color". I was technically sitting in the middle with the other Hispanic woman, who, like me, at work is quiet and unobtrusive. I was like a wallflower this time, too, just taking in the entertainment. Meanwhile, Eesh is running back and forth to the bar with an ex-employee, Chris, while my only real buddy from work (since Manny left) is pouting and depressed accross from me(Eesh and she were and are inseparable)and she won't eat. Jersey Girl Extraordinaire is on her cell phone at the table (and so is nearly everyone at one time or another). The beautiful Ms. C. is declaring interdepartmental injustices about the bill, PLUS another woman at the far end (sitting accross from me as I was hiding my face) was nearly cursing out the Italian waiter about her flimsy cucumbers and one piece of dark lettuce(I couldn't resist but to pipe in and say that the veggies needed Viagra). She even followed the embarrassed looking waiter down to the stairway to give him back her grilled chicken salad(she refused the second fresh one he brought out because he scooped the same chicken on it in front of her at the table). To top off the night, at the louder end of the table, one of the ex-convict/now supervisors ordered mussels and the other, usually sophisticated acting shift supervisor sitting next to him announced,"Woo-EE! That smells like a bad Saturday night!"

31 efforts for none
Mood:  rushed
I went to work on Monday to find out that my one student who did pass to the GED got sent back to prison. He was a young man, maybe twenty-one, who once in a while liked to, as many would say in Detroit, "Talk out of the side of his face". He had tried this in my class once the week before and I told him that his disguised aggression would get him nowhere, and that one day he'd see (he would not even look at me when I attempted to give him the tip). Turns out he ripped up a demerit that an operations staff member gave him for talking in an AA meeting and he got sent right back to the slammer. In some ways, I am sad that in March he will not be able to take his GED for which he worked with me for the past year. In most ways, though, I am happy he learned his lesson in a way that did not get him killed on the streets.

Hardship Comes in Colors
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: "Crush" By Smashing Pumpkins
The Great Barrier Reef has water so clear because it is devoid of nearly all nutrients. People from all over the world pay big to see the waters and extraordinary life forms that are among them.

People spend their lives in search of flashy things or creature comforts. What they do not realize is that such overindulgences are what kills them in the end. Being comfortable never helped one grow. It is when we are devoid of our life's nutrients that we become colorful, innovative, creative-and strong...or maybe, if turned negatively, criminal. If we tell ourselves lack is an opportunity to earn another color of make up on our faces, or muscle in our arms, maybe we will embrace challenges and become a starfish or a plant of magenta hue.

31 efforts for one
Mood:  irritated
Yesterday, five of my students took the Pre-GED. I have about 30 students over the whole day, but it fluxuates. Out of the five, one passed. Two others could've taken it, but they decided outside work was more important! (a little $25 for one day [after fines] versus the chance to go for your high school diploma eqivalent?) BAH!!!!

Sometimes I ask myself, why make the effort? I used to bust my behind to get 4 years worth of high school math out to these guys, and for one or two to pass every time? It seems that no matter what I do or don't do, it is always the same low numbers for success. I'm not blaming myself-their passing really seems to depend on their past efforts (what grade level they dropped out in, and how much they listened in high school)and for the few that come in already high level, I can usually take them to the finish line. Today I am really tired and don't feel like going to do it all again.

Luckily,1) my job evaluations have little to do with how many students I cause to pass the exam (thank goodness-it just wouldn't be fair!) and 2) I find refuge in playing Scrabble with certain students who are formidable opponents. It keeps me sane in the downtime--and it's fun.

Was this a justification of my game playing at my job? Of course--but, as I said to my Aunt "Terri" when I was real young, if you can't have fun in life, why live it? (I hope she didn't take too much heed.

Bye for now *as I drag my tired heels to work*, and I'll see you on a more energetic day.

Words And Movies Are My Passion
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: "Accidentally In Love"
Hi all! This morning I want to give my predictions for tonight's Oscars! Watching the Oscars is a family tradition on Mama's side, and the fervor will probably die with me. As silly as the academy can be in it's choices, I do hope the ever increasingly popular Golden Globes don't take over the highest honors in the future!

Best supporting actor (male):Alan Alda ("The Aviator)-the old folks always win due to nostalgia!
Best supporting actor (female): Virginia Madsen ("Sideways")
Best actor(male):Jamie Foxx("Ray")
Best actor (female):Annette Benning ("Being Julia")
Best Director: Clint Eastwood ("Million Dollar Baby")
Best Song: "Learn to be Lonely" ("Phantom of the Opera")
Best foreign language film :"Yesterday" (South Africa)
Best Documentary: "The Story of the Weeping Camel"
Best Picture: "The Aviator"

Of course that's who I think will win. I have to admit that I haven't seen most of the films up this year, but I'll give my personal picks anyway.

Best supporting actor (male):Morgan Freeman ("Million Dollar Baby")
Best supporting actor (female):I really think Natalie Portman is really cool, but something about her sweetness did not convince me totally of her stripper role in "Closer", so I'm going to choose Kate Blanchett in "The Aviator" this year
Best actor(male):Jamie Foxx("Ray")
Best actor (female):Catalina Soreno ("Maria Full of Grace") It took guts to play that part-plus I have to give props to my people, as they still haven't won an Oscar that I can recall
Best Director: Martin Scorsese ("The Aviator")Just because, even though Eastwood is probably an excellent director, he for some reason gets on my nerves.
Best song: "Accidentally in Love" (Shrek)-this is catchy and so pop, but I can't help but sway to the beat and enjoy its lightheartedness
Best foreign language film :"As It is in Heaven" (Sweden)
Best Documentary: "Super Size Me"-this exposed some truths that everyone has a right to know-even if not everyone's body responds the same way. I hope more truths come out about our self-indulgent, self-serving, and self-destructive American ways
Best Picture: "Finding Neverland" --Duh! (and that one's for you, too, Michael!*insert high pitched "OOOOw!"*

Take care,
The Pan

A Way With Words
Words are cool. Here's a brainteaser. I haven't tried it yet! I will take it to work and put it up for the residents. They like those sorts of things.

I'm Bursting Through My Jeans
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: "Do I Do"
Okay-I was good for like eight months. Then late November came, and I ate anything and everything, at anytime--especially at night! My exercise routines, which I held up from Jan. 2004 to Jan. 2005, went to pot and now I have a pot belly! I'm sitting here with not only my jeans unbuttoned but also my zip down! I am no longer just blogging-I'm blobbing! How am I ever going to show myself at Sisa's wedding next October? Guess I'll decide over some sour gummy worms and Valentine's Dairy Box of chocolates from my sweet and with my sweet.

Hi! I'm dropping a quick one before work. Work report: The pre-GED is late this month. My thugs are doing okay-but a few are ducking class, and I am not energetic enough to chase them. In fact, I'm having a good ol' time focusing on the ones who really want the material and they are sure to take the test. It's all good. If certain ones don't want to make the effort, why push it? A teacher's dilemma always lies in, how much should I motivate my students? When must I give them the nudge, and when must I back off? Any thoughts? Please comment below.

Love from,

"Ms. P."

To All the Guys I've loved Before
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: "As" By Stevie Wonder
*In my best Willie Nelson voice* To all the guy's I've loved before It's Valentine's and you're no more But wait now- I have more in store For all the guys I've loved before. To Brian-you were fresh as gold Too bad that we were five years old You moved and didn't tell me where Looked for ya for the next five years

To Daddy-you were a charmer and fun Best handlebar cabby under the sun A playmate and loved one 'til the tragic end Man-I despise that liquid friend!

To Greg-- you got the brunt of my fears My high school boyfriend of two years So gentle-In the end the fear was yours-'cause I took off for college, and unending world tours

To Eric--who enjoyed worlds all his own long ago a handsome grail searcher, but unfaithful--from a shed he was thrown This life his legs are crooked, but his morals aren't shot--still--What I really wanted, he gave not

Then there's you, Eric "Sunshine", For whom the sun would rarely shine You've conquered poverty and gay pioneering times Cynical and full of logic, you and I never agreed but in the nightmare of my life, you were right there beside me And when the time came to leave univerisity-you snuck a note on the fridge that proclaimed (platonically) "E loves D"

To Michael-who may never know his own worth a being from a technological planet who was classified as "special" since birth We met on a computer he built-but when it comes to our harsh world he can't stand it He was sweeter than the Pepsi he guzzled When it comes to his heart-I hope I didn't slam it

To Mike- wish I could forget your sorry "mass" Two years! Why'd I have to end up in that Clawson class? Entertained my affections for a measly few days then watched me suffer for eight hundred thirty-eight. You were lost, right? That's what the universe tells me-Hope I can let go-or I'll never feel free

To Papa P.-Please may you rest in peace quiet, fun-loving and proud-your guilt refused to release I speak for every daughter and your every grandson Our lease on love for you will never be done

And Papa-your love kept you here twenty years past a heart "attacked" The love you didn't grow up with-you still managed to give back- Faithful to Grandma Marge and all thirty-three of us Quizzical as a wise professor, yet practical and generous and To Tuck-a robber of the shrewdest kind Is there one ounce of heart in that extraordinary mind? All different flavors of women in your sex memory collection But the one law you respected was my willful rejection And in my heart, mind and soul seven men have come and stayed- For certain I know they'll be with me 'til the end of days. First my beloved cousin and in front of all my English cake-plus I'll acknowledge Daddy's spirit 'cause love never betrays. Then came my Sifu, Dan and Dad-By circumstance?-Of course! But now they've made their mark as elders - Couldn't let them go without remorse. The guy most new is my step-nephew- I know that leaves yet one more... In all the guys I've loved before When it comes to Earthly love there's more So just know- you're all good in my eternal book But the ones who've endured are the guys at whom I now continually look. So let's play again in lives galore To all the guys I've loved before

OOPS!
I thought I erased all my entires! Luckily they came back! I messed up the hangman codes below, so no word games for now! I'm just happy my other words didn't disappear! Phew!

If you want to play hangman, click on "her blog" below. Thanks for stopping by.